Why Your Tinder Flames Keep Burning Out! - By: Aaron Cosgrove
It’s no secret that sex makes up for a huge slice of the pie that is a relationship.
Whether you do it frequently, only sometimes, maybe with strangers, haven’t since high
school or have no interest in it at all, sexuality and sex are deeply rooted into our human
The last thing I want you to hear from what I’m about to say below is that casual sex is
bad: it definitely isn’t. I am very passionate about everyone investing time, at some point
in their lives, to explore their personal sexual boundaries and desires. Not only does
this allow for a better understanding and confidence within yourself, but can radiate into
your future relationships as well. Who doesn’t want a partner who has taken the time to
learn exactly what they want!?
Also, the fact that you enjoy sex with more than one partner in a non-monogamous fashion
has absolutely no bearing on your value as a person. So if it’s safe and consensual,
who is anyone to judge? But if you are looking for something long-lasting and stable,
chances are, it won't be found in an application based on physical appearances.
And if you're already allowing someone the honor of having sex with you before an
exclusive commitment - with no past success - it could be time to switch things up.
In our modern world, it’s part of everyday life to pencil our day around the “ding” of
online dating apps - and certainly social media can be a successful tool for networking
of any kind. But one of the most common pieces of feedback I hear about hooking up,
typically via social apps, is that one person is left with their feelings hurt. It doesn’t seem
to make sense why we willingly choose to share our bodies with strangers, then get
disappointed by the lack of communication or affection to follow.
That’s because, I believe, we are misinterpreting our own understanding of intimacy,
which can easily blur the lines between love and sex. Too often we are relying on these
"dating apps"; to find us love, when they are in fact, designed for something different.
Love and sex can sometimes be caught co-mingling in the bedroom, however
are completely separate entities and should be treated as such. If you're finding
some hurt feelings after a casual encounter, well my dear, it's very possible you are
subconsciously looking for something deeper.
So why are your “Tinder” flames burning out exactly? Why do these casual hookups
rarely lead to something meaningful? Well, it’s the same reason going to the Drive-Thru
often leads to a stomachache...
It’s late at night, you’re starving, maybe you had an awful week and just do not have
the energy to cook something healthy. So you turn to your favorite fast-food locale and
drive up to make your order. Everyone knows what to expect: it’s going to be quick and easy. It probably won’t be the best thing you’ve ever had (and someone will probably
show up in sweatpants). Yet, you know it will satisfy your immediate need temporarily.
Sometimes you get the new cashier and get some free fries! But, a few hours pass and your
stomach may gurgle with unfulfilled loneliness and you’re back to square one.
Sure, a person can survive on fast food, but is that how you really want to put your
amazing personality and many incredible attributes to use forever? By only allowing
yourself casual encounters, you’re robbing others (and yourself) the opportunity to know
you in a different realm. I mean, it doesn’t make sense to go for fast food and get upset
they don’t roll out a carpet and nice silverware for you right?
Casual sex is not a bad thing: but it shouldn’t be the only “romantic” avenue you
consider forever. And if it hasn't been successful for you thus far, it could be time to
learn to date with your pants on a little longer.
Online dating can be an amazing thing, and I certainly don’t hate on anyone who is
living their best life swiping right through their 20’s! But if you’re finding yourself
wondering why they didn’t text you back after a steamy evening, chances are you have
unknowingly mistaken sex for intimacy and you may be secretly searching for
something more special. Some people are just not cut out for it. The “casual hookup”
method truly requires a person who is completely aware and confident separating love
and sex - which is more rare than we think.
Dating apps are kind of like giving someone a brand new high-tech car, but never
taking the time to teach them how to drive it. All the potential is there, and they could
probably make it work for a while, but without proper direction and education, they are
bound to cause some damage.
Even taking a quick look at the design of modern online “dating” apps, we can see
they are already setting you up for failure: they are more focused on instant gratification
and physical appearances than finding you an emotional connection. You can swipe
right or left on a person based solely on a picture (which probably isn’t their best angle
anyway) and very limited information. These apps are designed for the quick and easy,
and as our beloved Bob Marley once said: "if she's easy, she won't be amazing."
This is where your local matchmaker comes in! Not only are we real people with real
experiences, but we’ve invested in the research it takes to see relationships and people
from a critical angle. We are equipped to recognize the style of dating you could be
missing to achieve true happiness. It’s a worthwhile venture to invest in a matchmaker who can push you toward what you actually need, in a time where we are so often blinded by the neon lights of “hookup culture."
Although being casual and open about sex is great, if you’re finding yourself
frequently disappointed with its outcome, you could be a wonderful candidate for
another avenue of dating!