3 Lessons I Learned When Dating Online
Updated: Apr 26, 2020
As I continue to learn, grow, and teach, I never, EVER want to be teaching from a pedestal of "being the expert". Over the last two years I have spent at least three hours a day, almost every day reading, devouring, listening, and being taught all aspects of dating, love, and heartbreak. I have met thousands of people through networking, my events, 1-on-1 matchmaking consultations, and coaching. I have directly sent hundreds of singles on first dates, and have introduced many more couples at my events, or just for fun. Yet still, I am no expert, and I make mistakes in my own dating life. Don't be so hard on yourself when you mess up in your romantic life, the women who spends all her free time learning how to be an expert in dating, can still revert back to old habits, become too needy, or indifferent, or frustrated with dating.
Since the beginning of social isolation I have been teaching webinars on how to continue to dating during social isolation. This is going to last a lot longer than we initially expected and "waiting for this to be all over", is just one more excuse to keep you single when you really want a partner. Currently, online dating is the main introduction point for singles. Again, I would be remiss if I didn't throw myself into the trenches of the online dating battlefield if I were to then teach my singles to do the same.
What have I discovered through my direct experience.
MINDSET IS EVERYTHING - we have singles going into an extremely toxic environment with no guidelines, or sometimes even experience. Our expectations when going into the online realm is "my brother, best friend, co worker (insert random connection here) met their partner online. I'm ready to find my person. I will register, meet someone, fall in love, get married, have all the babies and grow old." Bitch, please! Your expectations will crush you. Slow and steady wins the race. It is extremely unlikely you will meet your person right away. In fact, there are some people who are in that online space for years before they meet someone great. Let's be honest with what we will find. We will find flakes, jerks, cling-on's, boring people, players, a ton of rejection, unkindness, and people who are just not for us. But let me tell you, I know a lot of people that are currently in the online dating world, and someone, who is a great fit for them, will be absolutely thrilled to come across their profile. They may not be for you, but that doesn't make them a bad person, they are someone else's prince or princess.
THERE IS FAR LESS FUN BEING HAD - OMG! Why is everyone taking online dating so seriously!? Yes, you're on there to find a great partner, but chill out, flirt, have fun, and be respectful. We are either jumping in to relationship or to sex far too quickly. We all have our own intentions when moving into the online dating space, but those on there are not just a product in a catalogue list. Enjoy getting to know one another. You're not wasting anyone's time. They are choosing to be on there looking for romance. It is never a waste of time to get to know another human being.
HIGH QUALITY PEOPLE ARE NOT ONLINE FOR LONG - Lovely diamonds in the ruff are absolutely in the online world, but they aren't there for long. They get scooped up pretty quick or they run screaming from all those who see the new meat and throw their agenda's at them. This is why we play the long game. Going on and off of online dating is not the proper way to utilize this tool. Feasting (over-consuming) and fasting (taking a break) will make you miss the high-quality, good matches when you see them. Put your profile up, be very discerning of the first wave of suitors that see a handsome new face. Then take your time, go slow, be selective, be kind and wait for someone who can banter, flirt, laugh, pursue and show interest in you too.
I've actually quite enjoyed my experience with online dating since the beginning of social isolation. It is a huge 180 from the last time I was online dating 3 years ago. I quite enjoy meeting and chatting with new people, I don't get offended when someone is being offensive. I don't allow myself to be disappointed when someone isn't a good fit for me. When I feel the frustration bubbling up, I remind myself “this man is a human, and likely a kind (but oblivious) person.” It's not my responsibility to teach him a lesson, but to wish him the best and continue on.