Why Do I Always End up With Assholes?
Have you ever said to yourself, "I always end up with assholes," or "I always end up with crazy women." The answer is simple: we are not choosing our partner, they're choosing us!
It's my experience that almost all the women that say "I always end up with assholes," also very easily spout "If he doesn't have the balls to approach me, then I'm not interested.” As Canadians, especially Nova Scotians, it is not the norm in our culture to approach and talk to women. If we put the fear of rejection aside, which is enough to stop 90% of men 90% of the time, it has become unpopular and sometimes even odd to approach and talk to women in everyday life. Now let's talk about the times that you get approached by the 10% of the male population. They have the "balls" to approach you because they have likely approached 30 other women that day. They are immune to rejection and they have the mindset of quantity over quality. This also includes those men that litter your messages on Insta and FB with something along the lines of "I came across your profile and you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen! I would be honored if you would want to chat sometime. Let me know" (copied from my actual inbox). Or this recent favorite message sent to me by a friend, "I'm a single father looking for a special woman to spend time with. Someone to hold hands with, to laugh with and to enjoy daily life with. I have been trying to get to a Jean-eva Dickie event” (side note: this is not the kind of exposure I'm looking for) “to meet other singles. But I came across your photo and you have taken my breath away. I think you are the most beautiful woman I have seen in a while. If you would like to chat sometime, I'd be honored." Please remember that 90% of the male population DOES NOT DO THIS! We can't just wait around for men to approach us, because 90% of the population won't. Let's not pull exclusively from the polluted pool of the 10%.
Now I can't wait to talk about the male version of this. "Why do I always end up with crazy women?" is also said along with "She's not my type.” I’m here to tell you, type is a myth! A "type" is a blend of women from our past, that usually include a certain look that has nothing to do with the amount of integrity or kindness that women possess. Don't get me wrong, I understand that looks really do matter when dating, but beauty isn't all that makes up attraction. We need to be open to all types of people when we are dating. If the past several relationship attempts haven't worked, I hate to break it to you, but you are the common denominator. If looks are the most important selection factor when dating, what kind of relationship are you expecting from that partnership? Men frequently confuse attraction with connection and sex with chemistry. Connection and chemistry are developed through interactions, flirtation, banter, conversations and time spent with the another person. It’s not only about how you enjoy looking at them and want to have sex with them. Being blinded by beauty has taken many men down the wrong path. These men are blind to the unkindness, selfishness, untruthfulness, and one-sidedness some relationships develop into when based on looks alone. If you want a partner to stand by your side, encourage you, challenge you, love you and support you, I recommend extending your search outside of your habitual "type" of woman. In today's world, women are more self sufficient and independent than ever. With independence and awareness come a higher self esteem. If this is the quality of women you are actually dating, yet they are still showing signs of "crazy", there is a good chance that has developed out of frustrations from lack of communication or respect you have shown her in the relationship. If she doesn't need you but chooses to want to spend time with you, this is the type of woman that will become a running mate in life, and is worth the tough conversations and what may seem to you as excessive communication.
We are all guilty of it, including myself, but men and women are allowing the wrong people to choose us. To find a great partner, we need to be active in the dating world and actively choosing for ourselves who we spend our time with, while constantly pushing ourselves to go outside of our "type." If you ask many happily married people if they would have swiped right on their husband or wife, I guarantee many of them would say no because their partner was not normally their type, and that they were shocked with how quickly the chemistry and attraction between them grew over time. Let’s all take what Jessica taught us from Love is Blind, and recognize that which is good for us rather than repeating past habits and chasing those who are wrong for us.