Do We Understand Those We're Attracted To?
When I started our Wing-Women and Wing-Man workshops, I could never have predicted the vision it has created for me. For those of you who don't know, Wing-Man night's are when we bring single men together for a workshop to teach how to approach and talk to women respectfully, kindly and successfully. This Thursday's topic is: "understanding body language". Knowing when, and when not to approach, and understanding the non-verbal cues women give to allow you to know whether to continue, or respectfully remove yourself. Wing-Women night's are when single women come together to learn how to understand men and how to date in today's dating culture leading with assertive kindness. The topics for Wing-Man and Wing-Women workshops are endless, all with the same fundamental foundation... men and women are two completely different creatures, who speak two completely different languages. Those who have success with the opposite sex, romantically, are successful because they understand why they do what they do. In reality they taught themselves how to be bilingual. YES! These are taught skills! We are not born with this knowledge, it is developed through study, experience, trial and error.
Today's society is very individual based, we don't live in the large family units from our grand parents, or even our parents time. Where do you think men learn how to successfully interact with women? From other men, fathers, brother, uncles and older cousins. Also these young men were surrounded by women most of their lives, which would teach them a lot about what made women behave the way they do. Of all the facts a man tells me about himself during a matchmaking consultation, when I hear he has sisters close to his age, this tells me he has a greater understanding of women than most men. I know my brothers learned way to much about women from being raised with me! A sister ignites a man's provide and protect instinct at a young age. My brother Caleb, who was just one year older than me, always had my back. There are countless instances of him protecting me. Pushing a kid off of me and exclaiming "don't you a' hurta' my SISSY!" at age 3, or even walking up to me in the hallway in Jr. High to tell me my zipper was down, and my favorite, when I was lying on the grass trying to catch my breath after my first track and field tryout, he told me very sternly "get up, you look weak". The same for women, we used to learn how to understand men through the wisdom of the older women in our family units; grandmothers, mothers, sisters and cousins. Now, with families much smaller, children no longer being raised by communities and large families, where do we learn these fundamental concepts from... romantic movies, music videos, media and porn. I'm sure I don't need to say that these are far from reality when it comes to relationships between men and women, also the effects this type of "relationship advice" has on young men and women is endless, perhaps for another day.
Life is a tripod: health, career, and relationships. When choosing a healthy lifestyle, we don't just jump on a treadmill while chomping on a carrot stick, we seek help; nutritionist, fitness coaches, fitness classes and work out buddies to keep us accountable. When we are seeking a career, we invest years and thousands of dollars in education to develop a career we find fulfilling. Yet the relationship leg, which I believe, contributes the most to a happy and fulfilling life, we are no longer being taught about. In fact, we are expected to know all of these skills already, and when seeking help or coaching, it is perceived as weak or desperate! I'm not saying that today's society is wrong, or that we are doomed to never have long, loving relationships, what I'm saying is that we need to recognize what is no longer provided to us, and fill these educational gaps through independent studies, workshops and self driven trail and error. Us as an individual need to push past societal norms and stereo-types forced upon us. Members of the opposite sex are not our enemy, like us they are human's, where most of them (not all), desire to find a life partner that understands them, and supports their ambitions and dreams. If you initial feelings, when it comes to dating, is exhaustion, frustration or even anger, a little coaching may go a long way.
What do you think of this topic? Do you agree with this analogy? What do you feel causes some of the struggles when finding a romantic partner in today's dating culture?