Am I Talking Too Much About Myself? Assume the Answer Is Yes!
As a matchmaker and dating coach, I am often asked what behaviors to avoid on a first date. I advise to never change anything fundamental about your character or personality, but there are certain social ques that I do bring to everyone's attention. Majority of the time, most romantic outings would have been much more enjoyable for both, if one person realized they were talking about themselves way to much. My favorite part about working so intimately with people is learning about them, I am an active listener, and thrive on hearing peoples stories, but if I'm on a date, and a man talks about himself too much, I am instantly turned off. Our life experiences have created a unique individual with stories, opinions and values. Every person we encounter on a daily basis has lived a life they should be proud of, and I understand the excitement to share these stories and thoughts to a person we are romantically interested in, with the hopes of impressing them. I recommend to those I coach to take their time sharing these stories with their date. If you are a good match, and decided to spend more time together, you will have all the time in the world to peel back your layers and share these stories, opinions and values.
My very wise mother, kindly named 'The Interrogator' has a saying, "The most boring people are those who love telling people how fascinating they are". I see evidence of this a lot in the dating world. The most common complaint to a bad date, is someone talking about themselves the entire time, rarely asking a leading question and even more seldom listening to the answer of the occasional question asked.
I have been guilty of this in the past, gaps in conversation are one of my biggest phobias, and I used to avoid awkward silences at all costs, including prattling on about nothing. If ever on a first date you ask yourself "Hummm, I wonder if I've been talking about myself too much". Trust me... the answer is usually yes! When a person looks over your shoulder at someone walking by, or looks around the room while you are talking, this is usually a good sign that taking 15 minutes to explain what you do for work, or telling every detail of your last airport experience is boring your date.
Don't get me wrong, long stories are interesting to listen to, but save them for road trips, or lazy days at home. First dates are used for conversation. Conversation is one person asking a interesting leading question and genuinely listening to the answer of that question. The more interesting the question, the more likely fun banter or joking will start. Banter, laughing and joking is what chemistry is built on. Then it's time to reverse roles and the other person then asks a question, and genuinely listens to the answer. Reflect back on some of your dates in the past. If you can count on one hand the amount of questions you asked your date, you need to double that on your next date. be interested in the other person, and they will likely become more interested in you.